On wings she flies

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On wings she flies
47 winters past 
And she sees with new eyes
Her eyes see the pain of history
And the pain of future.
But her eyes don’t see the present
She’s so fixated on what to fix
What to avoid
That she misses what is happening now
Right in front of her.

What is her true nature
She doesn’t know
She thinks it is God
Or creative fire
Or love.
She can’t find her answers
No
She can’t accept her answers.
The truths that come to her in the middle of the night
In her dreams, in her deepest subconscious self.
She knows what she needs to do.
What her soul is begging her to do.
No matter how hard she tries to avoid what she knows
It follows her around
A dead weight
A heavy burden
She doesn’t admit to even herself.
Love has a way of twisting her truth
How can love be so complicated?
How can love be so intense?
Those answers don’t materialize
They hide from sight, from soul.

 

She prays lying in bed at night
God help me
Make the hard decisions for me
Please take the pain away
Take my flaws and forgive me.

 

She cries
God
Change me enough
To let me be seen
To let me be loved by others

 

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