I thought on Easter, a few weeks ago, that we couldn’t do what we did today. I thought today was going to be a trainwreck 6 weeks ago. I didn’t think it was possible to have a weekend like we just had.
I was judgmental and trivial and shallow. I thought we were in a rut, and that was what it was going to be. I expected an argument or some dumb drama I would make.
There were so many miracles this weekend, I can’t even explain them.
Tom was working siding the house on Friday when I got home. He got off work really early, and chose to spend his day making our house. It’s kind of the most romantic thing ever when your partner chooses to make and build things for you. On the house. So that it is a safe and beautiful and finished house. For you. (for me. ME? Yes, me. I know, I don’t believe it, either. I’m not sure I’ll ever believe how much he loves me.
I can’t handle it.)
He would probably lie to your face if you confronted him about this, but yes, he does this for his family. And I am his family. I can barely believe that, it seems like I’m showing off to say that.
It is the most remarkable and unbelievable thing, that he would love me enough to make me his family, even though I didn’t make any babies with him.
There are no eternal ties, the ties of children, to each other in our late 40’s. That ship has sailed its last voyage, it is done, decommissioned and closed. The only thing he has in this is love. For me. He could have anyone, that he could make a life with anyone, and he could have done so much better, and yet he trusted and he chose to love me.
It is too much.
I remember asking him Friday before we both went to work how things were going at his work, and even though his days and his work are SUPERTOTALLYHARD he isn’t nearly as annoyed when he complains as I have been. I have been unbearable. He lets things go much more quickly than me. I can’t believe that this is my life. It’s too good, and I am sad to report that I have secretly been waiting for the carpet to be pulled out from under me.
Why is any of this important right now?
I put my heart out there in a big way in my relationship. I said I wanted this, and that I was going to show up. EVERY DAY. OMG the commitment and trust involved in that statement.
We ended up having the best weekend I can even remember having ever. It was basically perfect. We worked hard on the house all day Saturday, we had beers and celebrated our hard work with Scott (our builder hero friend) Saturday night, we ran into my son at Beergarden. We hung out with sweet young millenials we met that night in the early stages of love. Tom invited my kid to breakfast Sunday, and he actually showed up and loved on me and was even honest and talked about his life. Tom was loving and sweet with me, and basically loved me so hard all weekend. We were just US all weekend. That kind of weekend hasn’t happened in SO.LONG.
I fell in love with him over and over and over again. It was so insane that I felt kind of lightheaded, which is when I made this video of the trees and birds in our yard. Our amazing yard that is so beautiful it feels unreal.
It was a miracle. There were so many miracles.
Thank you, God.
Thank you for saving me, every day.