I’m out in the yard working and grabbing a shovel to help Tom in the trench, and I come across this dead thing. He says possum, I thought cat. It was obviously found dead somewhere and dragged here by my cats or dogs.
It’s interesting to come across skulls. In Montana we’d find skulls of cattle, deer, rabbits. Carcasses of multiple wild animals would show up, decimated and worn down. There was a particular part of the property up past Cabin 5 that seemed to always have antlers and skulls.
This kind of thing doesn’t scare me or “woo” me in any way. It represents life to me. This little being lived its life and then was a meal for another being. And the cycle continues.
I’m here to live my life as me in my complete me-ness. Yesterday I was getting really worked up and full of wacko creative on fire energy that had no place to go. I had gone for a two hour drive from here to Monroe and a big loop through Alsea falls with the dogs barking the whole time, and then back through Philomath and Corvallis. I came home no more relaxed than when I left.
I was walking around grumbling, and Tom said, “walk with me.” He led me out to my garden studio, and he talked about what he’d do to finish wiring it, and put plywood on the 2 walls that don’t have it as well as the ceiling, and how he’s going to install lights and a heater. He’s going to put my future kiln (I’m going to manifest one into my life) into the shop after it’s built. And hopefully we can break ground building his shop this fall. I want that for him as much as he wants a working studio for me.
So here’s what this man does for me-he is an action person. He sees a need and hustles to make it happen. He does this over and over again for me, his girls, our house, his students. He rarely does it for himself, so part of my hustle is so I can give back to him. We keep showing up for each other, even though it can be SO HARD sometimes, but we show up. And we love and we listen and we make each other space to create. It’s important to have space to birth new ideas and new projects into the world and to let the negative self-defeating attitude and thoughts die away. It’s not a hard concept. It is simply a choice. It’s a choice to just dig in and BE.
I’m choosing the joy of being right here in this moment with a trench dug around my house, dogs barking at the work noises, a whistling pipe from the toilet, and a studio that sits under an old wisteria vine and a weeping willow. I’m choosing gratefulness and passion, even though there are horrible atrocities in the world that make me sick. If I let those atrocities bring down my vibe, I can’t change them. I’m just going to keep going every step and hope that my presence is going to help create more good in the world.
This is the life I have manifested for myself because I wanted it. I didn’t even ask for it, I just passionately wanted it, and sent that loving wish out to the universe long ago. And finally, at 46, I was given Soggy Bottom and a beautiful love to share it with.
That’s miraculous. The biggest of thank yous.