What wakes me up, makes me alive, gets the blood pumping

I’m listening to a new Podcast, “Do it Scared” by Ruth Soukup. She started her Podcast last month, and she said to create a BIG STRETCH GOAL. She asked in the Podcast for the listener to write down for 30 minutes all the things they love, make you happy, no editing. SO. This is my list of things that feel good to me. Later I’ll think about how to rate them, as she suggested. IMG_7977

I can already tell you that my BIGGEST GOAL is to make $150,000 by this time next year. It sounds insane and ridiculous and too impossible. THAT DOESN’T MATTER. Ruth just told me do it scared, and I believe her. She’s overcome way more than me in her life, and what I’ve realized that it’s even more ridiculous to NOT do what makes me overjoyed every day than it is to keep feeling ho hum. Not that I don’t adore my Kindergarteners, or teaching. But I know that’s not the complete story. I want more. 

HERE ARE THE THINGS I LOVE and could do all the time:**

(**I may add to this over time, edits will be italicized)

(Remember I am not editing myself here, because she said not to. This here is some real honest vulnerability)

  • traveling alone
  • experiencing things I’ve never done
  • training dogs
  • digging in dirt
  • composting and having rich soil
  • working with goats
  • painting mixed media abstracts
  • chickens
  • sewing quilt fabric together
  • organizing things
  • work with little kids from 2-6
  • making little kids smile, pay attention, wake up
  • singing
  • plants
  • wood
  • taking walks in nature
  • trees
  • old furniture with a soul that is kinda beaten up
  • driving in my car with music blaring
  • clothes that are beautiful and make me feel good
  • sex
  • audio books
  • professional massages
  • yoga stretching
  • having a clean house
  • beautiful food
  • beautiful living spaces
  • design
  • books
  • bookshelves
  • writing
  • Soggy Bottom Ranch
  • beautiful classroom spaces
  • children’s art work
  • children engaged in school
  • nature
  • sun/light
  • open airy designed spaces to let in light
  • science
  • people helping people
  • my laptop to write
  • my iPod because MUSIC
  • my phone because MUSIC
  • music music music
  • art, museums
  • artist made jewelry
  • having money to pay all my bills on time
  • traveling to places I’ve never been before
  • watching my children excel
  • laughter
  • playing board/card games with people I love
  • watching Tom work
  • being in love
  • working on remodeling my house
  • spending time with Tom and my kids and friends
  • my guitar
  • bonfires
  • Eating with my family around the kitchen counter

JOBS I HAVE SECRETLY WISHED I HAD at different times in my life:

  • interior designer for schools, helping teachers ditch all the excessive clutter and paper and make their classrooms look real, like home
  • art studio director/teacher for children (have done this one, loved it, too short lived)
  • movie soundtrack producer
  • music producer
  • professional painter showing in super high end galleries in places like Paris and New York
  • professional artist with open studios to collaborate with other artists
  • landscaper-not a landscape designer, just the person that gets to drive the 4×4 filled with water and dirt and makes the grounds look beautiful because they are tended to
  • farmer of herbs and I sell them locally to chefs and my herbs are so renowned I just float around in big skirts and clip herbs from my tiny kitchen garden that cost as much as French Truffles.
  • founder of a school that is a cross between a science museum/art studio/library/garden. There I am a teacher where it is 100% hands on. It is a school for kids that don’t “fit” and is taught by professional teacher wackos and we sing and do art and science and read and have deep philosophical conversations with young people, and we show up and just think and play and challenge each other all day. And I pay the teachers the MOST MONEY I CAN POSSIBLY PAY THEM LIKE OVER $100,000 a year, because they are changing the world and shouldn’t have to get a second job at Home Depot or at a strip club to pay their student loans and have food. Maybe it’s a co-op. (THIS terrifies and invigorates me, but I am in no way ready to launch into making a school. Unless you have 2-4 million dollars to FUND. IT.)
  • teaching common core to kindergartners 
  • teaching high-quality, challenging curriculum (not that common core isn’t, but I’m feeling irritated right now and it’s my blog and I can cross it out if I want to.)
  • NEVER assuming that I have all the answers and going on a life quest, like a monk, to figure out the secrets of life and love and the universe while also being totally and completely chill and calm all the time. I’ll do yoga and relax and talk to people and hear their stories and take lots of warm baths with marigolds in them and loving smelling essential oils. I think I’m in Bali or New Zealand or Florida. Somewhere warm and balmy that makes my hair kinda wavy instead of flat as hell. And I’m tan from working outside, and I’m happy with WHATEVER SIZE BODY I HAVE AT THAT MOMENT and I’m rocking a kick-ass bikini in WHATEVER SIZE BODY I HAVE AT THAT MOMENT.
  • a professional artist/writer/creative that works from home and sets her own hours. I work my ass off, but I can drink coffee on my deck every morning and watch the birds and that’s my meditation and it makes me money to be calm and centered before starting the day.
  • a children’s book author/illustrator. Never mind that I can’t draw. I have always wanted this job.
  • writing a novel
  • writing a memoir
  • writing a travel blog and getting paid to do it
  • making a LOT Of money so I can pay for my family and causes I believe in to have a better life
  • singer in an indie band or rock band
  • minister
  • yoga teacher
  • school bus driver
  • book store/art store/specialty store owner
  • performing and visual arts studio center owner

There have been times in my life where I met people along the way that had such focused and calm energy about themselves that all I wanted to do was to be like them. There was a director of a preschool Co-Op in San Francisco when was directing a preschool Co-Cop that impressed me greatly. I was struggling with feeling comfortable “letting” parents make decisions about the school and direction we were going as an organization.

This other director was listening to me and other directors talk. When I said my piece about my struggle with the “letting go,” and asked what she’d do, she just said, “I just let them do it. It’s their project, and it doesn’t matter to me. Whether it works or not doesn’t matter to me.” She was so calm and matter of fact about this that I’ve remembered her words for almost 20 years. I want to be that kind of person-willing to experience it all with calm grace.

So I guess my best job/business/passion is to create the space for myself in my life where I lead by being like her. I am able to live gracefully, accepting as things come while also working my ass off to attain my goals. I’m not sure how that works together yet.

For now, I just know I want to GREATLY INCREASE my income by going from now-$150,000 by this time next year!!!!  Big goals need me to show up and say it!


3 thoughts on “What wakes me up, makes me alive, gets the blood pumping

  1. Being scared shitless and doing it anyway is SO my jam! Great post!

    1. Wow, thanks so much! Your blog is is so beautiful and impressive. Thanks for reading my blog, and I know I’ll read yours. 🙂

      1. Awe. Thank you so much.

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