Trying to start a morning yoga and meditation practice. I get out my mat. I sit on it. I think about all the things I need to do. I lie down. I listen to the birds, the insects. I check my phone and its presence is distracting. I take a selfie. Or look at stuff I don’t need to look at this very moment. I watch my dog walk around the yard. I listen to the two owls that roost in our trees talk to each other. The cats and the dogs come and sniff me on my mat. I drink coffee. I’m still on the mat, but not at al focused on my body or breathing. I decide my feet are cold. I get up for socks. And to fill my coffee cup. I get back on the mat. Repeat.
I realize-this is where to start. Just get the mat out. Sit on it. Do whatever, but begin.
Last night I dreamt that I was sitting with a group of Kindergarteners attempting to perform for a crowd. One little had been struggling to pay attention and do her work, so I was sent in to help her focus. I distracted her the entire time and made it impossible for her to focus. The people in charge frowned at me, disapprovingly.
I didn’t remember the dream until I wrote this post.
What am I distracting myself from? What internal beliefs are keeping me from doing my best work toward my best self? Some of those blocking beliefs come from my spirituality and beliefs around it. I deeply believe in God, higher consciousness, tarot, yoga, breath, divine. And I can still get caught up in worrying about what others think.
Clearly this is a place for me to work.
I need to do my conscious work for my own soul and leave the baggage. I’ll just put the baggage here in this little electronic box and go back to my mat. Maybe saying this will release the judgement I’m putting on myself. The voice in me that is saying “you look like a dork stretching in those wacky leggings on your deck. What if Tom or someone else sees you making poses that are vulnerable and awkward? Making noises?” I need to get to “who cares!” I’m not there yet. But. Begin. ❤️