I went to the ocean.
I went there to see, to feel myself more clearly. The only sound was waves.
It’s remarkable how the surf deepens my connection with the earth, how there is deafening silence in the sound of its huge mass moving. Moving constantly, ripping things apart, gathering pieces of rock shell animal plant debris.
I sat on my blanket and stared out. I did my tarot-things coming will be intense.
I could fear a lot right now, but mostly I’m feeling sad. I don’t know why, and I don’t know why my emotions go sideways so easily.
I laid down on my blanket and fell asleep. The sun was warm enough on my face that I got a slight pink kiss from sleeping face up for an hour.
I’m struggling with sleep. I wake up bolt upright now after 4-5 hours and can’t go back to sleep. I can’t seem to let my body go.
I need to take care of my physical body right now. It is deeply bruised with one bruise so dark it’s black on my thigh, about the size of a golf ball. I have no idea how I got it.
I’m just here. Trying to ride the wave, and trying to feel but not suffer. To be mindful while experiencing painful and confusing feelings I don’t understand.