Liam was in the hospital all day today. We thought he was having appendicitis and I was like “I just can’t even.”
It was exactly 9 months ago I did this with Piper and I’m not over it. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to learn here. But I know it’s not about me. I only put that in there because of a conversation with my astrologer about my chart. I had some stuff in there that was gonna come up a lot this year.
I’m pretty sure what that means is that my kids are the great loves of my life. That making sure they are ok and healthy is big. I’m proud of watching them work at finding their path and being accepting of themselves.
So when you watch your 2nd kid in 9 months (and Olivia was in the ER a month after Piper after a car accident!) be in for major abdominal pain- it is extra scary. And they SENT US HOME after, CT scan showed no inflammation of the appendix.
Yeah, it could still show up. Yeah. That’s fun. I was such a wreck I may have drank too much and had a headache. I was so amped and scared.
But Sunday he went to work and came to my BBQ, and he’s doing ok. I’m writing this Tuesday because on Saturday I was overwhelmed.
I have heard so many people say this and it is true-We Can Do Hard Things. Yep. We can.
I love my Liam and Piper with a fire that burns only for them. I told them when they were little I’d stand in front of a car, a train, a monster, if it meant they were safe. It bothered them a lot, this idea that I’d be dead. I explained that the mom in me will always put them before my own life, and that I would never let them be hurt if I could prevent it. So watching my son writhe in pain and my daughter writhe in pain and NOT being able to help was one of the most sickeningly awful things I’ve had to do.
It is important to be prepared to be support. And it is important to remember to stay calm and let doctors work. It doesn’t mean any of it will make sense in the moment. But if I’ve learned anything in this year of reflection and rejuvenation and replenishment, it’s that it can be scary and make sense.
I mean: lately when I experience things like this I am able to pause and think about what it actually means in my life. What lesson should I learn.
But for now, I need a break from the ER.