I am creating a space for myself, but I lack the necessary skills to do this work of construction on my own.
So I need Tom’s help, and it’s frustrating to ask for. I don’t know why, and I wish it didn’t bug me. But in much of our relationship, when it comes to things that are our own personal passions, the baton is firmly in our own court. I guess what that means is, we are responsible for making it happen and paying for it. I felt like I was keeping him from his own pursuits to help me get the wood, insulation and door/window for my studio. I already pretty much knew what I needed to get, as we’d talked about it plenty. But I was anxious to go max out my Jerry’s card with supplies and get the wrong things.
I’m going to be creating in this space soon, and that makes me insane with glee. My own garden creation studio.
The pic on the left you see the opening that will have a French door. The little window on the back (the metal one) will be covered with a curtain or bookshelves. I don’t need it, and I’m too cheap to replace it right now.
IN THIS SPACE THE ONLY NOISE I HEAR WILL BE NOISE I MAKE MYSELF.
For someone that people probably see as “boisterous” and “loud” and sometimes “the life of the party,” I am actually more of an introvert than an extrovert. I crave crave crave silence. Or my own music. I know those of you that know me probably think I’m loud, but that’s in social settings. In reality, I’m kind of quiet. I’ve had to learn be different in my ways of being to be successful in the world. But I’m not really loud in my soul. I’m pretty quiet in there.
My space will not be called a “she shed.” I think that label is silly and annoys me on par with “soccer mom,” “mom jeans,” “supermom.” It just fits into this category of women’s identity politics that pisses me off. Woman and mom are already labels, why do we have to separate them into other generalities?
So. It’s called my studio, thank you. A place that is my OWN. A space for me to create, rejuvenate, paint in, decorate, line with my books, do tarot, meditate, light candles, play guitar, record videos for online classes, sing, hide. When I just need solitude I will go there. And when I am ready for interaction, I’ll come back in the house.
I have never had a creative/personal space that is detached from the house, let alone a space that is surrounded by a willow, ponderosa pine, cedar (living and dead) cottonwood and wisteria and also includes a covered porch with a brick mosaic patio.
My heart already aches for the space that is coming.
I’m trying to decide if I should paint the walls FRIDA BLUE or not. I think I might, it will make me happy every time I look at it if it’s all woodsy and ancient cedar shingles on the outside and as bright as Mexico on the inside.
I am going to have Tom ditch the water. I told him this before, but he didn’t believe me. Water is convenient, sure. But I have a hose a few yards away, and I’d rather have that wall space for a couch to sit in the sun and look out at the field and read and drink wine with no one bugging me.
There is a deep theme of “NO ONE BUGGING ME” right now.
I live with someone that talks to himself to think, his 15 and 19 year old daughters, and the 19 year old’s boyfriend is here all the time. Plus two loud dogs and two loud cats. If I have a glass of water some animal is going to come along and drink it. If I have a bar of chocolate, I’d better hide it or someone will eat it. I’m just feeling like I need to be a little selfish right now and have some serious absolute ALONENESS at my own home. I had a studio the entire time I lived in Eugene with Will, and I haven’t really had one since. I had a weird one in Halsey and it never felt right.
I’m all for it feeling right and figuring out how to find balance in my every day life so that I can live a life that feels aligned with who I am and I am happy in it.
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