I’m embarking on a new journey. I’m not free to share what it’s about yet, as I have to get some things approved and agreed upon, but I’m excited to share more when I can.
This process is yet another in a long line of 2018 unfoldings. I am just unfolding into something completely new. It’s terrifying, exciting, nerve wracking.
Here’s what I’ve been dreaming at night. Perhaps you’ll get a sense of why I only sleep maybe 5 hours a night.
- Tom packed up a bag and took off in his apprentice’s car, ignoring my pleas to stay. He was done with me, leaving me for good. (I’d started a fight the night before in real life. ;(
- Holding a revolver in my hand, and not knowing how to use it, so I was dangerously close to accidentally hurting myself
- Driving a car without brakes
- Getting fired
- Veterans that attended our Veteran’s Day assembly but then turned into super villains that were scary intense and taking over everything
- More animals I’m neglecting
- Running and walking through places I don’t know that creep me out
- And just a deep general hazy feeling, a feeling that so much is being worked out while my eyes are closed. It’s really tiresome. And tiring.
I’ve spent the last 3 hours doing paperwork for aforementioned project, and Tom is also simultaneously doing paperwork for a big project. It’s comical, on the outside, to watch us talk to ourselves, complete items on our checklists, talk soothingly to ourselves, encourage ourselves to hang in there. We have been both talking to our computer screens and saying things like “WTF? REALLY?” and so on. I stopped to laugh out loud multiple times, because, whatcha gonna do? Be mad? Doing paperwork is God’s way of making sure we really mean it. Honestly, if you can hang in there with red tape and paperwork crap, you are winning at life 99% of the time.
Hang in there.
Now, my friends, I’m off to exhaustedly go to bed to dream more exhausting dreams.
Yes, in fact, I am trying to manage my stress levels and work on keeping my neurologic health intact. Next Tuesday I’m getting an EEG, where they are going to make me stay up two hours later than usual and wake up two hours earlier than usual. So basically-like 2 hours of real sleep. OH NELLY, this is going to be crazy. And they are going to attach electrodes to my skull and my neck and chest and stuff. I’ll be a cyborg. Maybe I’ll be such a fascinating case of neurology I’ll win some sort of nerve freak award. Lol.
See, I am sleep deprived. I’m not in the “I have an infant” level of sleep deprivation and lack of sleep territory yet, so there’s that silver lining.
But once I wake up tomorrow, only one more wake up until Thanksgiving where I can eat pie all day if I feel like it, because it’s the National Holiday of Eating. Plus, I’m in charge of the pies. So there will be lemon meringue (Tom’s favorite using my fresh eggs), pecan, and two pumpkin. One pumpkin will be staying at home for me to gorge on all weekend, because…pumpkin pie is the best thing in the world. Admit it-it just is.
I love you all. Thank you for being you. Thank you thank you.