I’ve been doing a lot of medical appointments and tests for my neurological evaluations/diagnostics, and I was feeling a little sorry for myself this week. The appointments I had were hard and made me sensitive and weepy. Then when talking to a counselor and friends about it, I realized that I’m not really worried long term. I’m just worried for this actual moment, these actual bills in front of me.
I know that my fortune tends to rise and fall depending on the situation. I know that I am not going to go down too far, because I have gotten back up and dusted myself off so so so many times. I won’t stay down. I guess I have perspective.
This is new, this perspective thing. And I think I earned that badge just in the last few years. Getting divorced and separating my personal and financial life that was deeply intertwined in another person’s was very challenging. And now, my financial story is my own. I pay my own bills, and my partner pays his. We have some shared responsibilities, but we are mostly independent in our finances. We have a shared account for the mortgage and house stuff (when we put money in it), but otherwise we are totally separate. It is mostly a good thing, because I love the autonomy of knowing the decisions I make about my money are mine. But, while facing this health story it makes me feel uneasy and insecure.
What if there is something really wrong with me? What if I have to go on short or long term disability? What if my medical needs go past the coverage of my healthcare? What if Tom doesn’t want to be with a disabled/sick/out of work person?
This is a worried mind thinking, I know. But these are the kinds of things I worry about with this health stuff, and being alone in my financial story. Sometimes it can feel isolated and lonely.
So driving home from work this week I thought, “HEY! It doesn’t have to feel lonely! It can feel empowering!” I need to stop being scared to make financial plans and decisions for myself. I need to call my insurance and get the actual amounts I’m going to owe for my EEG, sleep study, MRI, counseling, Neurologists, labs, etc. I need to call the Federal student loan people and confirm that indeed yes, I do not qualify for the government student loan forgiveness program for teachers/public service employees, even if getting that knowledge confirmed makes me completely nauseated. I need to talk to my financial planner(s) and make some real financial plans for retirement.
AND?! Most importantly, I need to remember this big learning I’ve done this year:
I don’t have to make all my money from one source.
I am developing classes to launch online, I am going to write some more books in the non-fiction realm to support teachers and parents, I’m going to work on creating products for teachers, I’m going to develop my own platform for tutoring my own clients online, live. I’m going to keep teaching and leading, and I’m even planning some other things that will diversify me even more…more to come.
Buying our house(s) and my truck and trailer, and all the other transactions I have done in the last few years has taught me that on some level, money is a little “smoke and mirrors.” It’s real, for sure. But it’s not in stone. It is a tool, and I’m tired of working for it. I want my money to work for me!
So are you listening, money boyfriend? Get your sexy hunky self to work, and go dance for some more cash.