The archetype of lovers is about relationships. About communication, honesty, feelings, connection. It is the most intimate relationship humans can have, and it is the most complicated. It’s so hard to get it right, and to keep it right.
Our relationship has taken so many twists and turns. We are two very different and independent people in what our passions are. We have made a conscious effort to figure out a balance of energy with each other, and to honor the differences.
I love that he’s left handed. I love that he asks me how to spell things and that he has a stubborn insistence on wearing shorts year round. I love that he gets excited about trying new things and growing as a person. I love that when I tell him I really need something he makes sure it happens. I even love that he says words like “go potty,” teases his kids, me, and his apprentices in a sarcastic know-it-all way, and complains about the weather…no matter what the weather is. I love that he reaches over and touches me while he’s sound asleep, and that he calls to tell me if the roads are unsafe in the morning before I leave for work. I love that he gets that kids love little things like a pack of gum or a trinket here and there, and his arms open to give. He’s one of the most generous and patient people I know, and I know his apprentices would totally be shocked at that statement! I love that the Marine in him comes out when we have plans. I’ve just learned that it’s super important to him to be early, and I just accept it and plan for it.
When I think about these and other little things that make up Tom, it makes me feel all squishy and ridiculous inside. It’s not hard to get to that place. Even when we have a stupid argument (just today, in fact). We are passing through them more quickly. He’s accepted that I have to talk for a few minutes. I’ve accepted that if we talk it out and he says he’s ok, that he is. It is getting more common for us to just figure it out and be fine much more quickly.
Mostly, and biggest of all, I love that he loves me. That my combination of traits and eccentricities and weird is the right recipe for him, and that he has his own list of things that make him feel in love with me. I was writing in my planner a few days ago and had all my flair pen colors out, and he giggled. He was admiring my weird. And it felt pretty good to be loved and appreciated for my uniqueness.
I’m really proud that we have built the life that we have built. It has been so.hard. but so worth it, in the long run. It’s been the foundation of who we are together-people that build things. I find it a very apt experience, to have gone through the process of building two homes together, as we were building our early relationship foundation together.
What do you appreciate about your lover, partner, boyfriend, husband, wife, girlfriend? What makes you feel seen in your relationship? Where do you feel like you need to grow? Where have you improved together?