I am working on some deep habits and traits I have that don’t serve me at all. The biggest of which is thinking that I can control what happens around me if I just make sure everyone is “okay,” and try to tell them what they should do, how they should do it, and what choices they should make. I don’t do it overtly, and I try to be diplomatic. Yet I still find myself stuck in the fallacy of thinking if I can control the situations I’m in, make others act a certain way, I will be happy and they will be happy. And then everything is great and perfect and wonderful.
This immediately just reminded me of a moment with my littles today. One was very was sad this morning. She struggles a bit with separation from mama, and today she’d made a big brave bold change to walk to class herself. I told her, “You are being so brave! It takes a lot of courage to do what you are doing. And look! You get to wear a princess shirt today! I’ll bet that shirt makes you feel joy just to wear it!” She smiled and I told her how much I love Cinderella, and how much I’ve loved Cinderella since childhood.
We all know Cinderella’s story. A young girl that after becoming orphaned, is forced to work as an indentured servant in her deceased father’s home by his jealous and angry new wife. Betrodden Cinderella cares for her stepmother and bratty step-sisters and does it with love and joy and sings to small animals and rodents. She just wants love and acceptance, and sends love out, all day. She is just pummeled with evil machinations until she gets up the bravery to go to the Prince’s ball because the invitation says “EVERY young maiden in the kindgom.” With the help of a fairy godmother (divine intervention/Deus ex machina) she becomes transformed in her wardrobe and grooming and goes to the ball in a magic coach. There the Prince sees her, wants her and chooses her. She dances all night with him and sings
“So this is love
So this is love
So this is what makes life divine.”
And then the bell strikes and she has to run home, as the fairy’s magic spell is about to end. She loses a shoe and the Prince finds it. She doesn’t even make it all the way home, the spell breaks and she is in her rags again, but walks home in joy.
I can see a lot of myself in Cinderella’s story. She has had a lot of hard things happen, but she still believes in perfect love. She believes that she can overcome her circumstances, and she looks for joy in her life.
I’m still stuck in Cinderella mode. I believe in the happily ever after bullshit in my head even though I know it is a fallacy. The part that is firmly stuck in me is this belief that by my sheer will and force I can make others happy.
I can’t make other people happy. Cinderella couldn’t either, but the movie was produced by Disney and we know there’s a certain perspective there.
We are not here on this earth to make other people happy. We are here on this earth to make ourselves as happy as possible, and therefore gifting the world with our well-adjusted happy selves. Our only God given job is to deal with our own personal shit so we are the best we can be.
I like Will Smith’s video on this. He says he remembers the day he “retired” from trying to make Jada happy. THIS IS EXACTLY IT.
I have a lot of thoughts on happiness and love, but I also have a lot of stuff going on in my life. Shifts and changes and adjustments. I’ll share more when I’m ready.