I’m about to move into my trailer and set off on a new phase of my life. I mostly feel good about it. I can handle living in small spaces. It’s a super nice trailer, and the fact that a kind friend is letting me squat on her property tucked away from the world is such a gift. So many people have been offering me love and kindness, and even though it’s bittersweet to end things, it feels really right to be focusing on healing myself so I can be my best self.
I’ve known I was in trouble for over a year, and I kept shoving it down and ignoring it. My health scare got in me hard. I couldn’t shake how I felt like I was a sinking ship if I didn’t change. That ignoring my body’s warnings might literally kill me.
I’m going to miss Tom and Soggy Bottom more than I can truly understand or even stomach right now. It is going to be far worse emotionally, for a while, than I want to think about.
But the payoff of knowing I’m authentically in my body and soul and aligned with who I am is worth it.
I’m considering doing some RV travel this summer. Or renting it out and going to Mexico or NYC or Texas or Toronto or New Orelans or Muncie, Indiana to see my dear friends.
I let my adventures go to the wayside in order to build houses. I’ve thought about how we built houses but not really our relationship. There was a great cost to that, and that’s all I can say about that yet.
I have some broken parts of me that need healing and only I can heal them. It is all internal work, and I have to be on my own to do it. I went from living with my parents to living with a man or being committed to a man since I was 16. I have not had a moment to be alone and truly get to know myself and work through my baggage.
It’s time. It’s time to get to work and go deep inside and discover the gifts of knowing all my parts and deciding what to do with them.
I’ve learned so much about myself over the last few years, and I truly have no regrets. You can’t regret love. Love, no matter how short or long, is the reason we were made. Love is the whole journey and the whole story.
I have loved my love stories with men. Now it’s time to love my love story with myself.